Ladies, do you remember when you were younger, less stressed, and only had a few responsibilities?
If I were to bet on it, I am sure that your sex lives were much better for most of you when you were younger! You do not have to worry about getting turned on because, truth is told, it was on your mind most of the time.
Fast forward to being pregnant: pregnancy makes you feel like a beached whale, and suddenly, sex takes a back seat (unless, of course, you are like many first-time moms who tried all tricks under the sun – including sex – to induce labor because you are term and honestly tired of being pregnant). Heck, I was once there! Oxytocin, the hormone released during sexual activity, is the same our bodies release while in labor. (Uhm, I think the method did not work for me, but my husband was a willing, happy participant in my “science experiment.” Oh boy, he surely enjoyed it, though, ha-ha!)
And then poof! It’s your day of delivery! In a wink, you welcome your much-anticipated bundle of joy into your arms. And in a few weeks, you find yourself six-plus weeks postpartum, and your doctor clears you for activities.
The problem is, you no longer have the energy and focus on being the one eager sex participant as you were 1 B.C. (before children)! And if you are nursing, your breasts make everything more difficult – your reliable boobies are still trying to figure out supply and demand with regards to milk production, such that learning how to nurse and pump along with “rolling on the haystack” begins to be extra messy!
This time in a woman’s life is exhausting! No wonder many mothers fall into postpartum anxiety or, worse, postpartum depression. You begin to see yourself differently, and unless you are superwoman, sex is likely not the first thing on your mind. How could you, if you are still trying so hard to survive your post-pregnancy body's mental and physical demands, plus you are also struggling to cope with the selfless act of motherhood to a newborn. Reality sets in after the merriment of creating your little family—the reality of how to balance work, relationships, and life.
Things can get mentally and physically daunting. Opinions and unsolicited advice will be over the roof! On top of that, you try your best to become the ideal, responsible, and perfect mother that will successfully make a happy home. Sex then becomes a chore or an added responsibility towards your partner if your mind is continuously preoccupied with many other things.
Yes, I once was there! Everything was in chaos, and I felt like a total wreck until I finally permitted myself to practice self-care. It was all it took for me to reconnect with my inner sex goddess! Ladies, your sex lives are highly affected if you are distracted. Sex loses its spark when you are caught up in a constant whirlwind of thoughts and ideas. My secret for better sex life is quite simple: take some time off for myself. Quality time with myself is usually spent doing yoga, journaling, exercising, and pampering – plus learning to laugh at my husband’s quirks (which I think then was cute when we were way much younger, early in the relationship).
If you want to become a sex goddess despite an infant in tow, it's high time to realign your thoughts! Prioritize self-care. Take time to meditate and reflect. Reconnect with your purpose and what makes you excited in life. You will find that energy transferring into your relationship, silently transforming you back into the sex goddess you have always been.